President announces the Kennedy Center will close for two years on July 4.

OK. Pay attention. The President of the United States, on a Sunday night, announced that the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is going to close. Two years. Starting July 4, 2026. Which is, coincidentally, the country’s 250th birthday. Happy birthday, America. Your premier national arts institution is going to be in plastic sheeting for the cake.

The price tag, per the man at the podium, is two hundred million dollars. The renovation, again per the man at the podium, will leave the steel fully exposed. That is a quote. Steel. Fully. Exposed. Buddy. I have been in construction projects. The phrase steel fully exposed is what you say when somebody else’s drywall has come off. It is not a design choice. It is a Tuesday-morning emergency.

He also clarified, in the same remarks, that he is not ripping it down. That is the only sentence in this whole press conference that gives me pause. In thirty years on the floor I have learned this. Nobody ever insists they are not ripping a thing down unless they are ripping the thing down. That is the law of the land. You walk in to a contractor and he opens with I’m not ripping it down and you grab your coat and go.

He has, separately, posted on his social media platform pictures of marble armrests he wants for the concert hall seating. Marble. Armrests. In a concert hall. Buddy. I have been to symphonies. I have sat in upholstered armrests. I have fallen asleep in upholstered armrests. Nobody has ever sat down in a concert hall and said you know what would improve this experience? A cold rectangle of stone under my elbow.

The acoustic experts, incidentally, said the marble would change the acoustics. The Kennedy Center’s engineers said the marble would change the acoustics. The internal memo said the renovation was cosmetic and facility repairs. The President said complete rebuilding. Pick a story. Any story.

A handful of artists have already pulled out of bookings since December, when the President added his name to the building. Now the building is closing. July 4. Two years. And in two years it will reopen with cold elbows and exposed steel and a new name on the side and the people who paid four hundred dollars for the old upholstered seats will miss them.

I am arguing with the television. The television is putting marble in a concert hall.

Funny how that works.