He Signed a 'Legally Foolproof' Voting Order and the Ink Wasn't Dry Before Experts Called It Unconstitutional

Now, I don’t have a law degree. I’ve got a GED and thirty-one years of reading people, and I’ll tell you those have served me about equally well.

But even I know that when you sign something, stand in front of cameras, and call it “legally foolproof,” you have jinxed yourself worse than a man who walks into a diner and says “I’m not that hungry.”

He signed an executive order yesterday telling states they have to build federal voter eligibility lists and restrict mail-in ballots. Told the whole country it was foolproof. Airtight. The gold standard of not being struck down by a federal judge.

Election law experts — the people whose actual job it is to know things about election law — said it was unconstitutional before the press conference was over. Some of them probably said it while he was still signing.

Here’s the thing about calling your own work foolproof. It’s an invitation. It’s the universe leaning over the counter and saying “oh, is that right?” And then the coffee machine breaks and someone slips on the wet floor and the health inspector shows up and you’re out of pie.

He also — same day, different subject, equally baffling — told the press that U.S. forces would be leaving Iran in “two to three weeks.”

We’re still there. He’s still threatening to blow up their power grid. He extended the pause because they gave him boats. And now we’re leaving in two to three weeks.

I’ve had customers tell me their tab was “basically paid off” when they still owed me for four months of Tuesday lunches.

I know what that face looks like.

You take care now. Drive safe. The roads are fine — it’s the other stuff you got to watch out for.

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Sweetpea Diner, Somewhere in West Texas — We don’t call anything foolproof. That’s just asking for it.