He Screamed Profanity at Iran and Then Said 'Praise Be to Allah'

Now I have seen some things behind this counter. I have seen a man try to flirt with his own wife’s sister at the Christmas table. I have seen a fellow order the diet plate and then eat half his son’s chicken-fried steak when the boy went to the bathroom. I thought I had seen it all.

Then this morning happened.

The President of the United States — a man with nuclear codes, sugar, actual nuclear codes — posted on the internet that Iran’s leadership should “Open the F****** Strait, You Crazy B*******.” That’s a direct quote. Word for word. Posted it public. For the whole world. And then — and you better be sitting down — ended the thing with “Praise Be to Allah.”

I had to set down my coffee pot. First time in eleven years.

I don’t even know where to start. He’s threatening a foreign government with profanity like he’s arguing with a guy who cut him off on the interstate. He’s invoking Islamic scripture at the end of a cuss-out, which I don’t think is how scripture is supposed to work. And he did this on the internet, where it lives forever, where every diplomat and enemy and child with a phone can see it.

Then — same night — he gave a primetime address to the nation. Cameras, podium, the whole show. And do you know what he said?

The war is necessary. The war is won. We must continue. It’ll wrap up soon.

Twenty minutes. Same four things. Over and over. I’ve heard more varied conversation from a rooster.

I poured a lot of coffee this morning. A lot of people needed it.

You want yours topped off, or are you just gonna sit there and stare at the wall like everybody else?