Threatened to Kill a Civilization, Then Agreed to a Ceasefire, All Before Dinner

My cousin Darlene — God love her — once broke up with a man at breakfast and was back together with him by lunch. Same day. Same diner, actually, two tables over from where I was working. I thought that was the most confused I had ever seen a human being behave in a single afternoon.

Darlene, honey, you’ve been dethroned.

This morning the President of the United States posted — and I’m reading this straight off the paper because I don’t trust myself to remember it right — “Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!”

Two exclamation points. The man is excited. He is jazzed about Power Plant Day. He used the phrase “there will be nothing like it” like he’s announcing a theme park attraction.

Then — same day — he posted that “a whole civilization will die tonight.”

A whole civilization. Tonight.

Then — same day, Lord have mercy — he got on the phone with Pakistan’s prime minister and agreed to a two-week ceasefire.

Two weeks. Ceasefire. The civilization is apparently fine for now.

I have watched men change their minds at this counter. Swap out the meatloaf for the burger, decide they do want pie after all, tip when they said they wouldn’t. That’s normal. People are allowed to change their minds. But there is a difference between reconsidering the soup and threatening to end civilization and then calling someone up to discuss a pause.

The gap between those two things is where most of us are trying to live our lives right now. Paying our bills. Watching the gas prices. Wondering what Power Plant Day means for the light bill.

It’s a lot to take in before your eggs get cold.

Go ahead and eat, sugar. I’ll be back around.